One of the most valued teachings my spiritual mentor gave me, was to learn to sit with my pain. To actually welcome its uncomfortable energy, it’s relentlessness, to gently embrace its darkness and to slowly lean into it.
“It’s here to open your heart” she would say. “It will reveal to you where you are stuck”.
More often than not I would try and run away from my hurt. Any chance I would get I would triumphantly slam the door in it’s face and then busy myself with anything other than its truth. But somehow it would always manage to creep through the cracks, nudging at me unforgivingly. Relentlessly. Determined to remind me of the emotions I was so desperately try to forget.
And she was right, only when we find the courage to actually sit with our pain, accept it, sense it and truly feel it, can we then gradually begin to move through it. And ultimately seek some comfort in the lesson it then brings.
Life is a continuous unpredictable experience with many peaks and troughs. One thing is certain, at some point in our lives we will find ourselves facing challenges, hurt, disappointment or betrayal. It’s during such times more than anything that we need to learn to be gentle with ourselves and not be embarrassed of our hurt.
It’s not always easy to understand why you are experience the feelings and emotions that you are, that’s why it’s important to actually explore the reasons why you were hurt, so you can then get to the root of those feelings.
Expressing our pain helps us to navigate through it. You may not feel as though you can express it to those that have hurt you, but do try and say what you need to say in some way or another. Talk with friends and family, write your thoughts and feelings in a journal, or even a letter that you can then dispose of. Whatever way you see fit to get all the emotions to the surface, make time to do just that.
It’s easy to get so caught up in the wrongs that have been inflicted on us that we can often remain in the role of the victim. Someone may have hurt us deeply, lied, been unkind or acted selfishly towards us through no fault of our own. But choosing to wallow in our unjust feelings really doesn’t serve any of us well. In fact it just keeps us stuck in the past. There is no personal growth to be gained by allowing someones past behaviour to take power over your present happiness.
We all have the ability to work through our sorrow and begin to heal, but first we must find the courage to sit deeply with our sadness. Like my spiritual mentor once taught me, it’s been sent to open our hearts.